Belfast, Northern Ireland – Ashley Crump, 19, a longtime employee at My Mom’s Basement comic book store, has today revealed to editor Mike Hunt that he has high hopes of losing his virginity this year.
“Yeth, ith twue” lisped the spotty teen
“I pwomithed my Mom I’d twy and get a giwfwiend thith yeaw. I have my eye on thith giw that comes in hewe all the time.’
Crump hasn’t had it easy in the past. Growing up with a chronic lisp left him feeling insecure and he claims that he was bullied constantly by the normal well adjusted kids that he refers to derogatorily as “Jockth”
DTJN also understands that he knew a woman once but she died soon afterwards.
“Yeth, ith twue. I met hew at the buth thop.”
Thankfully things are looking up for the kid who always got passed over for the football team. Earlier this year he got a promotion, not at the comic book store but in fact with an online venture that Crump is very secretive about.
“I can’t thpeak about it, evewyone would laugh.”
Regardless, the development has proven to be a major boost for his ego.
Editor Mike Hunt has promised to help Crump in any way possible.
“I told the kid to play This I Love by Guns N’ Roses every time that girl walks into the comic book store. Guaranteed to be a winner. He’ll be hittin’ that booty in no time at all.”
DTJN promises to keep you updated on Crump’s ongoing struggle to overcome his virginity.