Home » Uncategorized » Chinese Democracy fan confident he’ll lose virginity this year

Chinese Democracy fan confident he’ll lose virginity this year

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Belfast, Northern Ireland – Ashley Crump, 19, a longtime employee at My Mom’s Basement comic book store, has today revealed to editor Mike Hunt that he has high hopes of losing his virginity this year.

“Yeth, ith twue” lisped the spotty teen

“I pwomithed my Mom I’d twy and get a giwfwiend thith yeaw. I have my eye on thith giw that comes in hewe all the time.’

Crump hasn’t had it easy in the past. Growing up with a chronic lisp left him feeling insecure and he claims that he was bullied constantly by the normal well adjusted kids that he refers to derogatorily as “Jockth”

DTJN also understands that he knew a woman once but she died soon afterwards. 

“Yeth, ith twue. I met hew at the buth thop.”

Thankfully things are looking up for the kid who always got passed over for the football team. Earlier this year he got a promotion, not at the comic book store but in fact with an online venture that Crump is very secretive about.

“I can’t thpeak about it, evewyone would laugh.”

Regardless, the development has proven to be a major boost for his ego.

Editor Mike Hunt has promised to help Crump in any way possible.

“I told the kid to play This I Love by Guns N’ Roses every time that girl walks into the comic book store. Guaranteed to be a winner. He’ll be hittin’ that booty in no time at all.”

DTJN promises to keep you updated on Crump’s ongoing struggle to overcome his virginity. 

 

 

 

   

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2 Comments

  1. november snow says:

    amazing story
    Mike Hunt you are amazing

  2. nlovesgock says:

    LOL mr “I am always factually right and love to write long essays to try and refute any miniscule point that challenges the validity of my authentic being” NGOG. What a dumb ass he truly is, sucking cock to keep his pathetic position on a dwindeling forum whilst at the same time, calling out posters like black sabbath and other young children who are there to pull him in line and to try and not make him look anymore of a bigger asshole than what he is. When is part 2 of the interview coming, im looking forward to it!

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